


youvegottohideyourloveaway

by lalejandra



Category: Bandom, Panic! at the Disco
Genre: Awkward Crush, Hate crush, M/M, Open Marriage, Post-Split
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-05-27
Updated: 2012-05-27
Packaged: 2021-02-26 06:33:35
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 941
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21808969
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lalejandra/pseuds/lalejandra
Summary: Jon does not have a crush on Dallon.
Relationships: Jon Walker/Dallon Weekes
Kudos: 4





	youvegottohideyourloveaway

  


Jon _hates_ Dallon. He thinks it goes without saying that Dallon is a fucking asshole. He's a creep. He is a total jerk. Jon tries to keep these opinions to himself, because when he gets started, Cassie's lips get thin and she does that thing where she opens her eyes really wide and takes long breaths through her nose, and then Jon doesn't get laid that night, even when they were in Costa Rica and sleeping on the couch meant possibly sleeping with weird bugs. So these days Jon keeps his rants about Dallon confined to his email, draft after draft of email he never sends. 

He's totally emailed Dallon. They had a conversation once, when Dallon first joined up with Brendon and Spencer, back and forth for a couple of days, Jon trying so hard not to be a dick. Cassie even read a couple of the emails before he sent them, trimmed the meanest stuff out. Dallon never replied to his last email, though, and Jon had felt so pathetic just _typing_ another email a week later. 

There are a bunch of "Dallon appreciation" blogs on Tumblr, and Jon follows them, because they give him a lot of ammunition for hating Dallon. Like, Dallon has a hot wife, just like Jon, but Jon's wife is way hotter. Dallon has kids, which is gross; Jon and Cassie have a dog and cats. Therefore Jon is objectively better.

(There are no "Jon appreciation" blogs anymore. "You hated those," Cassie sometimes points out to him -- and it's true. He had totally hated them, but only because really they were all about how everyone wanted him to make out with Ryan/Brendon/Spencer/Zack/Amanda Palmer/Greta; no one had liked him just for being himself. He said this to Tom once, and Tom had said, very clearly, especially for how drunk he was, "Shut. The. Fuck. Up.")

Dallon had started it, by coming in and being all _tall_ and skinny and looking better in eyeliner than Jon ever had. It was like Brendon and Spencer had gone out specifically looking for someone better in every way than Jon to replace him, like they were saying, "Loser, we are way happier without you." Like... Jon had left them, he had, and he's not sorry, but he wishes they'd, like, missed him a little.

One of the Dallon blogs posts a video of Brendon slapping his ass. Brendon had _never_ slapped Jon's ass. Jon scowls at his computer screen, clicking to the tab with Tom's twitter when Cassie walks by. Once she's gone (and therefore unable to watch him do this and mock him), he copies the link into an email and types, "arent you worried youll get kicked out of mormonism?" and sends it to Dallon.

He knows Dallon gets it because Dallon's online, his stupid green circle in Jon's chat contacts staring unflinchingly into Jon's soul while Jon gets drunk on stupid cheap beer. He waits for Dallon to reply, because there is _no way_ Dallon is going to ignore him.

Except Dallon doesn't reply and eventually Cassie comes in to prod him into chopping onions for curry, and he has to leave his stare-a-thon. He leaves his email open, though, so Dallon can see _his_ chat dot. He changes it over to red and adds an away message ("youvegottohideyourloveaway"), and doesn't think about Dallon the whole time he and Cassie are cooking dinner, singing to each other over snapping ginger and garlic in a frying pan.

Whole days go by, in fact, during which he doesn't think about Dallon at all. It's true.

Cassie decides she wants samosas, too, and uses Jon's computer to look up a recipe, and puts on _Help!_ while she's over there -- and while she mixes the insides of last night's baked potatoes with lime juice, she sings to Jon, "You'll never leave me, and you know it's true, cause you like me too much, and I like you, I really do," and laughs when he kisses her nose.

"I saw you're talking to Dallon again," Cassie says, when Jon sits to help her stuff potatoes and peas into some kind of stiff dough shell. Hers are perfectly triangular, but his end up, like, octagons or something. His stomach does _not_ jump when she says that, at the knowledge that Dallon _did_ email him back.

"Whatever," Jon says, and folds another octagon. Cassie presses the tines of a fork into the folds and hums. "Seriously."

"Well, I think your crush on him is cute," she finally replies. "Now that we're back, you should see if he wants to get a beer the next time you're in the same state."

"He's Mormon," Jon says -- instead of the more rational response, which would be, 'I DON'T WANT TO GET A BEER WITH HIM, HE'S AN UGLY JERK.'

Cassie rolls her eyes. "So you'll drink a beer and he'll drink a root beer. Don't sass me."

"I'll sass you," grumbles Jon. He leans over to pick up the tray of lumpy not-really-samosas, and Cassie grabs him by the hair and pulls him down for a kiss.

"I don't mind that you have a crush on a Mormon, if that's what you're worried about," she whispers in his ear, then kisses his neck and pinches his butt. "Go put those in the oven and then you can eat me out really quick before you check your email."

Jon rolls his eyes, but hops to it, and by the time he's straightening up from the oven, Cassie's got her skirt off and her legs open. Jon bets Dallon would be fucking scandalized.

  



End file.
